Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Giving Thanks in the Valley


Psalm 84

How lovely is your dwelling place,
    O Lord of hosts!
My soul longs, yes, faints
    for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and flesh sing for joy
    to the living God.
Even the sparrow finds a home,
    and the swallow a nest for herself,
    where she may lay her young,
at your altars, O Lord of hosts,
    my King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in your house,
    ever singing your praise! Selah
Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
    in whose heart are the highways to Zion.[b]
As they go through the Valley of Baca
    they make it a place of springs;
    the early rain also covers it with pools.
They go from strength to strength;
    each one appears before God in Zion.
O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer;
    give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah
Behold our shield, O God;
    look on the face of your anointed!
10 For a day in your courts is better
    than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
    than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
    the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
    from those who walk uprightly.
12 O Lord of hosts,
    blessed is the one who trusts in you

What does it mean to give thanks?  What does it mean to you to give thanks?  How do you give thanks and praise the Lord in the valley?

Over the past 7 or so months I have been reading One Thousand Gifts by Anne Voskamp.
Before I started reading this book, I would have told you that giving thanks was good.  It was good to be grateful for what you have.  It was the right thing to do.  I would have NEVER thought that giving thanks would transform my heart and help me walk through a valley.

When I first started the book, I was reading it because a friend had said I should and gave me her extra copy.  I didn’t like it at first, I didn’t think it was going anywhere, and I didn’t really think it was going to mean much to me.  Other people just said to keep reading and see where it takes you.  I am so thankful that I have kept reading because this book has shown me and allowed me to see how God is transforming my heart (I’m getting ahead of myself though).

I should take a few steps back and say that God started preparing and transforming my heart at a women’s retreat with my church in October.  The speaker at the retreat spoke about the passage above Ps. 84.  Right now I don’t remember a lot of what she spoke about except the portion that is in bold.  “As they go through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with pools.”  The key word for this phrase is that they are going through the valley. Through this Psalm, I can learn that the valley is a place that can be traveled through, it is not a place where I will have to settle.  Even more, as they travel they make it a place of springs.  I am not the one to have taken seminary, so I could be interpreting this wrong, but I feel like the Psalm is saying, that they found blessings as they walked through this valley.  They didn’t walk through the valley with their head down grumbling, but they found springs and God bring rain to cover the valley.  God was still there!  He is still taking care of his children.

I am confident and resting that God is good to us and He is faithful to his children.  This promise has been unfailing through this valley.  Brian and I have been walking through this valley together for quite some time.  At first, I didn’t think it was a valley, just a small low point but I knew God was with us and it wasn’t so bad.  However, instead of rising out of the valley, I realized that I/we were sinking lower and lower and the mountains were getting higher and higher. 

There were months were it was very dark and emotional.  I knew God was good, but he didn’t feel very good right then.  I wanted something desperately and for some reason this was not being provided for me.  I knew he loved me, but I didn’t feel his love right then.  It felt lonely and confusing.  How can I want something so bad and God not provide?  Am I asking for the wrong thing? I kept reading One Thousand Gifts and I kept trying to give thanks.  I kept trying to see God in my life and in the small things.  I was trying to change my perspective of the valley and see God.  As Ann Vockamp puts it, “I want to slow down and taste life, give thanks, and see God.”  I didn’t know what else to do.  God knew what I wanted, we had certainly talked about it.  So I kept trying to give thanks and see what I already had in front of me because it was all I really had at that moment. 

As the darkness started to fade, I began to see that even though I was in the valley, God was right beside me holding my hand.  It was as if we were walking a path, he was with me and I was at peace.  I can’t see what is ahead and I can’t see where I am going but I can see my next steps and I know I am safe with God.  I moved from knowing that God was good and loving and trustworthy to walking the road of God’s goodness, love and trust.  As I moved to this place, I continued to read One Thousand Gifts and Ann put it better than I ever could

“Nothing has materially changed since yesterday’s fears, last week’s anxiety.  But I have.  I’m changing.  I am changing, deep changing, and I am giving thanks, doing eucharisteo and eucharisteo is eureka and I know why there’s no fear and why I had never seen it before? I can mark the spot on Road 178, right at the bridge, where epiphany blinks like snow: Thanks is what builds trust.”

I would have NEVER told you that thanks builds trust.  However, I can confidently say now that it does.  Giving thanks, seeing Christ in all has built trust and faith in my heart.  Even in this valley, I can walk with God and trust in his goodness, love and provision.  I don’t know what the future holds, I don’t know when I will be out of this valley.  What I do know is that God is with me.  He holds me and breathes peace when I can’t breathe.  I have shed many tears of joy and sadness but with faith all the same knowing he is holding me and saying “I love you.”

I say all this to say that the valley isn’t easy, it’s still hard.  I still desperately want this gift that only God can give.  But I am grateful to know I have been transformed by Christ in this valley.  Christ has given me a hope that He is all I need in this life. 

I want to leave you with a prayer, I received the book The Valley of Vision for Christmas.  It is a collection of Puritan Prayers.  I have been wanting to read it because it is often quoted.  I have only gotten to the first prayer and it was my own prayer (put in better words), that I haven’t moved any further in the book.  The prayer is titled “The Valley of Vision”

Lord, High and Holy, Meek and Lowly,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;
Let me find thy light in my darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty
thy glory in my valley. (emphasis added)

I write this out of obedience to my Lord, that you may also find hope in Christ in your valley.

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