Healing Through Grace - From the Valley into the Garden
I sit here again wanting to write about what God has done for me! I ended my last blog post in the midst of the valley. God was there but it was a low place. I was using gratitude and faith to sustain me through the valley. I was learning to trust even when I so desperately wanted something. While in the valley, I asked myself, God what's next? What if you do finally provide the thing I so desperately want? Will I then be out of the valley because I got what I want? God didn't exactly answer me, but I just didn't feel right about the question. Could getting what I want really take me out of the valley? Again, that question just doesn't sit right.
As I continued to give thanks and trust I started to feel different in fact I can honestly say that I am rising/risen out of the valley. No, I haven't received what I have desperately wanted for years now, but I have received something even better, healing. My heart has found healing through grace and grace only. Through the valley I leaned into my Savior, I trusted him, and was grateful for what I did have. However, even in this, what I wanted was in a way enslaving me. It created this valley, where I was with God and along and couldn't see what was happening on either side of me. I could see enough to know that my next step was safe, but I couldn't see the scenery very well. I still want and desire for this to be part of my life, but I am no longer enslaved by it! PRAISE THE LORD!! I am so grateful that I see the trees around me.
A few weeks ago, I read through the entire book of John over a few days and one of the verse during Jesus' last days stood out to me. John 18:1 "When he had finished praying, Jesus left with his disciples and crossed the Kidron Valley. On the other side there was a garden, and he and his disciples went into it."
I was struck by this verse, Jesus went through the valley of Kidron and entered the garden. I want to clarify this before I continue and say that I haven't read this verse as a promise that after the valley there is a garden, but when I read it I asked the Lord, can I go to the garden when you bring me out of the valley? I want to go to the garden and pray with you. If you continue to read this chapter you will find that the garden is a place that Jesus and his disciples went often. I want to be in the garden, a place where I am close to my Jesus and his friends. Where we can have intimate fellowship and prayer. A place that is also full of growth and beauty. The valley can be dark and dry, the Lord is there but its not in an intimate place. The garden has growth and it is a place where Jesus found strength and friendship.
I am humbled to say that God has moved me into the garden. He has healed the desire that so enslaved me and allowed me to still want and walk in the garden rather than the valley. I still want things to be different. I certainly didn't expect my life to look the way it does right now, but I am learning that God isn't at all who anyone expected him to be. Jesus was supposed to be Israel's king, but he was born in a barn and laid in a feeding trough and then was publicly humiliated and crucified. However, even though this is not at all how the Jews thought their Messiah would be and live, it was necessary and GOOD. I am constantly reminded that even though my life is not at all what I expected it to be, it is good and God is in all of it. I want a good life that is blessed by God.
Lastly, I can honestly say that I would have never chosen to walk through this valley. If God had said, would you like to wait years for something and walk through a valley to know me even more deeply or would you like me to give you what you want? I know I would have chosen what I want! I know it! I can honestly say that i would not want to go back and do things differently, it has been so hard but I know God deeper and more intimately because of it. He has strengthen my faith in a way that could have never happened had I not walked through the valley.
You may be walking through a valley or walking through a garden or somewhere in the middle, but hear this, God is there. He loves you and He is good.
